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catholicstar
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Name: Bridget
Gender: Female
Interests: Being a Mom, swimming, biking, running, playing tennis, being with my best friend (my husband)
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/6/2005
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| The past 2 1/2 months have brought amazing things into my life. I have been able to see and enjoy so many things in my life that are good. Right after Bridget died I thought of my life as temporary. I knew that I had to take care of the kids, and go to work, and go through all of the motions. However, none of it felt real or joyful to me. In the past 2 months that has started to change. After many many long discussions with Bridget and Will's parents, we have decided that I will be the Dad. Both Bridegt's and Will's parents are getting older, and while they totally want to be involved in the kids lives, they are not able to raise them completely. They have been with me all this time, and Bridget and I intended to spend our lives together taking care of them. There was no arguement about what to do with the kids, just discussions of what would be best for them. There were many possibilities, even ones involving Bridegt's parents taking the kids and moving someplace to get a fresh start. We all think that this will be the best way. The kids will always have all of us in their lives, but I will be the parent. Somehow, now it feels so permanent to me. I am Dad. Dad to 3 kids that I am related to in very odd ways. When I first met Bridget was when she first met Will. She was all he could talk about. He wanted to marry her the day after he met her. Over time the 3 of us became inseparable. They were the coolest, most fun people in the world. I spent most of my nights hanging out in their kitchen. When Bridget got pregnant, I was her doctor. I delivered Annie, I was the first one to touch her. I am also her godfather. I adore that kid. I loved her from the moment I touched her little head. I spent even more time with Will and Bridegt once Annie was born. Trips to the zoo, park, etc. Now looking back I see the whole path. Then after Will died, I really started taking care of Bridegt, Annie, and the little ones. Bridget and I fell in love and planned our lives together. We had both lost a best friend and loved one, but we still had a best friend and loved one. After Bridget died I just felt lost. I had been left by my 2 best and most loved friends. My best friend died and then my wife died. I was left with kids that I had loved for so long, but who I felt did not really belong to me. I felt that they had been cheated out of this perfect life with Will and Bridget, and left with the sort of next best alternative - me. But now I have come to see them as my family. They are no longer my friends kids that I am playing with and looking after, but they are my kids. I will decide what is best for them, I will pick their schools, I will be there to talk to them when they are upset, I will help them with homework, I will be there on their wedding days, and I will let them know all the wonderful things that Will and Bridget did. I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't been here. What if the grandparents could not have cared for them? What if they had ben sent to foster care? I have known and loved them since the moment they took their first breaths. Now I am also Dad. I am excited about this. I have gone to part time in my practice, and split lookng after the kids with the grandparents. For now we are a family. Maybe one day, God willing they will have a new mother. But for now we are a perfect family. Just the way we are. No more waiting, no more wondering, no more holding on for the future. Just now. | | |
| It has been 7 months. I just felt like writing today. The kids are all living with me, and bring so much joy to my life. Bridget's parents watch them during the day while I am at work, and it has been great. It has been the hardest transition for Annie. She has lost so much in her life for someone so young. I try to be everything I can for her, and hopefully when she is older I can tell her all about her amazing parents. I have been on vacation since last week, and I have just been hanging out with the kids. I love being with them! Thhey are growing up so fast, it is just incredible. Annie will be going to rpeschool in the fall, and the twins will still be with Bridget's parents. In a sense the kids are lucky because they have so many people who care about them. I just wish they had 2 more. It has been a really, really hard 7 months. I think about Bridget all the time, and I think about the fact that we would have another little baby now. I imagine what life would have been like if things had turned out the way we dreamed. It has taught me a lot about the fleeting nature of life on Earth. We never know what the Lord has planned for us, and in a sense there is no point in dreaming a future for ourselves. God has a more beautiful future dreamed for us than we can ever drea for ourselves. Even if we don't understand it or see it. I have been having so much trouble finding the beauty in my life these past months. Where is this path leading? Where is the joy? But then I remember what the priest at our church keeps telling me. "You don't walk out of a movie after something bad happens to the main character. You stay and see how it turns out." It is the same thing with our lives. We can't walk out on God because we don't like something that happened in our lives. We have to keep living, because we never know how it will turn out. That is what I have been clinging to. I have the joy of caring for 3 wonderful children, and I have a job that I love. If that's all, that is enough for me. I may try to start writing here, it is very soothing for me. I feel connected to Bridget when I write here. I feel in touch with a community that she was in touch with. Thanks for listening. Here are some pictures from 4th of July. | | |
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| Bridget RIP with the angels This is Derek.....I have been avoiding looking at this blog and writing one final update. Bridget died on December 16th here at home helping cook dinner. She had a brain aneurysm that burst, and she was gone within minutes. There was stress on her body with the pregnancy, and it caused the clot to burst. There was no way we could have known that she even had the clot, and nothing we could have done to prevent it from bursting. But being a doctor, I feel like I should have been able to do something. Bridget had such an amazing life. She brought 3 amazing children into the world, and was carrying a 4th. She was full of life and love, even in the midst of sufferings. Everybody that she met loved her, because her zeal was just contagious. Why did God take her? I don't know, but I understand why he wanted her with Him. Maybe she was just too precious to have down here any longer. I can't explain how much I miss her. I ache. I don't think that ache will ever go away, but it does heal just a little every time I see Annie smile. She smiles just like her Mom. Bridget's and Will's parents are helping out, and I don't know what sort of arrangement will ultimately result, but I know that these 3 kids will have at least 5 people in their lives who love them. It just seems so surreal. Mary and Will will never remember Bridget or Will. Annie will only remember Bridget for a while. Bridget and Will were 2 of the most amazing people that I think I will ever know. I truly feel blessed to have been able to know and love them both. I feel such sadness that their children will never know them. I can't help but see my place in all of this. I am here for the children. God has chosen me to try and carry on with the same faith and love that the 2 of them would have offered to the kids. I am going to be the parent that Will and Bridget planned to be, and later Bridget and I planned to be. Please pray for us as we trudge on and piece our lives back together. I know that this community was a great source of comfort to her when Will died, and maybe you can be the same comfort for me. | | |
| First day of school recap: I cried Annie didn't I was so worried. We arrived at 8am. Annie with her backpack, Will and Mary in the stroller, me barely holding it together. We walked up to the room, and before I could even start to tell Annie that this was her room and her new friends, she ran in and said "I'm here!" She did give me a hug and kiss before I left, but she was very involved in playing already. I cried the whole way home! My first baby is already growing up. I called up there about every 30 minutes between 8:30am and 10:30am to see how she was doing, and she was having a blast (no crying). When I picked her up at 11am she came running out to show me pictures that she had colored and to sing new songs that she had learned. She wants to go back tomorrow, and is very disappointed that she has to stay home with Mom tomorrow! Well I guess it is good, as I have a friend right now with the opposite problem (crying all the time and won't be separated from her to go to school). I am so happy and relieved that she had a good first day, and that she is off to a good start with school. Now once I relax, it will be good to have the couple hours with the twins (we are starting baby gym). Have a great evening! | | |
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